Week 39: June 8-12

090612: Day 176
Tests last year were awesome: the kids shut up and took them. This year, tests mean I have to work four times as hard to keep the lid on. There are two ways of looking at this. One: I’m not meeting the kids where they are, which is only being able to focus for five, maybe ten, minutes. Two: This is a baptism by fire, as they have to learn to take period-long tests now that they are in high school. High school. I take the latter view: I’m helping them man up for the rest of their school lives.

Today they wrote four-paragraph essays in response to one of three questions:

A. Is there too much violence on TV and in the movies? Why or why not? Give 2 reasons that support your answer.
B. Do the police and metal detectors make our school better or worse? Why? Give 2 reasons that support your answer.
C. Should people save sex for marriage? Why or why not? Give 2 reasons that support your answer.

After today, the multiple-choice portion on Monday will seem like a reward.

090611: Day 175
FR is in the SAVE room until the end of the year! And JC is suspended! Bitch, yeah. This means the other students in fourth period will actually be able to focus on their finals instead of the zoo that is the classroom.

Further information on the Dean-B-is-spreading-rumors front: I guess he’s been “spreading rumors” about how Ms. L’s new principal (who worked at our school just last year) and Principal N have bad blood. Is it still a rumor if it’s based in fact? Not that I actually know the facts, being the rumor-mongering bitch I am, but I’m assured of its probability based on what I’ve seen this year.

090610: Day 174
I’m pretty certain that FR said he would kill me if I kicked him out of the room again today. I don’t really think he will kill me—or anyone, ever—but I wrote it down because I’m out to get him. I am only human; kid makes my life miserable. So, he came up to my desk and read what I wrote. Then, standing but a foot away from me, said to my face, “Are you fucking stupid? You fucking stupid?” So I kicked him out. Dean B came for him and I was once left amazed at how Dean B has become one of the only people in the building I trust implicitly.

The drama surrounding Ms. L’s excessing and un-excessing continued today. Ms. L said she told AP A she was nervous about meeting with Principal N because she knew the principal yelled at Ms. RM last year when she resigned to go teach in Texas. So this information made it all around the building and ended with AP D ripping Dean B a new one for “spreading rumors,” Dean B being invited to an audience with the Principal herself and perhaps his receiving a letter in his file for “spreading rumors.” Of course, Ms. L and I heard from Ms. RM’s mouth how the principal yelled at her, so we’re a little uncertain about how Dean B was spreading rumors. But truth is not guiding force at our school.

090609: Day 173
Ms. L’s excessing was rescinded today. Ironically, Ms. L was planning on meeting with the principal today to say she had taken another position. But forget that Mr. B was hired before her. AP A told her not to touch the politics of the thing, presumably because they are a nasty piece of business. Ms. EV and AP A then ominously told Ms. L not to sign anything. This advice has had the effect of making Ms. L freak the fuck out. Neither of us can quite figure out what could happen to her—she has a new position—but this is also the school that broke the contract to un-excess her and wrote a letter accusing Ms. Po of making a false accusation when she did no such thing (see Day 161). Who knows what they could do?

In unrelated news, I had the most awesome Do Now today: the kids had to listen to two minutes of Radiolab that discussed a moral dilemma and apply that discussion to the morality of “Monsters, Inc.” The dilemma revolves around the idea of doing what is best for the individual or what is best for the group—and what to do when the two conflict. For the record, the Radiolab is hilarious and involves some pretty silly sound effects of a train killing lots of people. The kids loved it! Only fourth period wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to play the clip. It was so out of control—again—that I had both JC and FR removed. I am so over the bullshit. If only I could actually tell freshmen to drop out. It would certainly be better for the group if JC and FR never returned to the classroom. Of course, it would be pretty disastrous for them as individuals. But it’s hard not to think their lives are already disasters.

090608: Day 172
I’m showing “Monsters, Inc” today, tomorrow and Wednesday. We all need a break. It’s surprising how much less complicated “Monsters, Inc” is as compared to “The Incredibles.” That said, QF was extraordinarily excited to see the show; apparently it’s one of his favorites.

Seeing as how it’s the end of the year, I figure I should start ending some of the stories I started. LS, whom you may remember from that time she ran away but didn’t really (see Day 122), is no longer on roster. A couple weekends ago she was arrested in Brooklyn and since that time she has been back in a psychiatric institution.

I am sad to lose her. She was creative and literate. Her favorite subject was English. She completed all her homeworks with a high level of effort and proficiency and absolutely destroyed tests. Her short story, involving two girls fighting over a shoe stuck to the carpet with gum, was inspired and violent.

Sometimes kids are fucked up beyond your reckoning before you even meet them.

Week 31: April 6-8

090408: Day 137
Oh, how I hate the day before a vacation. I opted not to give a midterm and gave a “midterm” instead. Students had to complete a research poster outline in preparation for their final project for Aliens and Americans. I graded them on effort. (This was an awesome strategy, by the way, for getting me out of pretty much all grading for spring break). The longer the day went, the less the students worked. I understand; I can’t imagine how I would feel if I had taken six midterms in a day and then still had one or two left. I’d slow down, too. But oh, how they didn’t even try after third period!

In other events, BR made an off-color joke towards Ms. Po. They were talking about the fact that Ms. Po lives in the Bronx, and BR commented, “Good. I’m going to come to your house and rape you.”

Take a second with that one.

When BR made it to my room, he was outraged that Ms. Po took it so seriously. You know, because it was just a joke. When he retold the story to seventh period, including AR, RQ and SC, they all laughed. My heart sank. These are mostly nice boys and they are laughing about raping a teacher. I tried to explain that rape jokes aren’t appropriate in mixed company; they ignored me. Word on the street is that BR is also going to be suspended and is not allowed to return to Ms. Po’s classroom. Once again, I’ll believe it when I see it.

But wait, it gets worse. For Ms. L, this time. During her midterm in seventh period, BJ and NR were having some sort of argument. According to Ms. L, it looked like BJ was about to storm out of the room, but instead he doubled back behind her, grabbed the recycling bin and slammed it over NR’s head. As Ms. L turned around to see what was happening, the recycling bin slammed her in the jaw on its rebound from NR’s head. When she came to my wedding shower on Saturday, her face was still tender.

Ms. L, because she is a kind soul, thinks our school is poisoning BJ. Quite frankly, I blame NR more than the school. That girl could make anyone throw a trashcan at her. Anyway, see Day 61 for the day BJ punched AP L in the face. Obviously, though BJ seems quite sweet, he has a crazy-explosive anger problem. Ms. L had to fill out an accident report and AP L is going to try to get BJ a superintendent’s suspension, which would take him out of the school for up to 30 days and put him in an alternate site. Ms. L has to go to a trial for this. Given that Ms. L has already filled out official paperwork, this is one suspension I do believe is going to happen.

090407: Day 136
I almost couldn’t remember what happened today. That’s how banal sexual harassment and breathtaking displays of misbehavior have become.

I remember now, though. And boy does this memory come back with a bang. I had four kids removed from fourth period. Four! It was one of those incidents that I couldn’t even fully recreate for the dean’s report, so widespread and obnoxious was it. From my dean’s report:

Today in my fourth period, FR, LF, JCr and JC were not working and carrying on quite loudly. I asked school security for a dean because I could not hear the voice of a student who was sitting directly in front of me over their joking around.

FR was out of control for the entire period: he didn’t stop talking from the moment the lesson began through to when he was removed. JCr had moments of being on task, but was also talking throughout the entire lesson. Early in the lesson, a remark was made about “lefty,” which was clearly sexual in nature though I cannot exactly explain what it meant. Both JCr and FR repeated this lefty joke many times.

JC came in at 11:00 with a pass, but did no work when he arrived and began immediately to trade “your mother” jokes with JCr. During the trading of “your mother” jokes they began insulting the way people smell. LF got in on the act here and FR joined in as well. The four of them were laughing loudly and saying who smelled like what, including at one point saying that someone smelled like “LJS’s neck” referring to LJS, another student in the class. The conversation at another point shifted to include jokes about rape–I think in the context of how someone’s mother smelled. I wish I could remember exactly who was joking around about rape, but I cannot. My best recollection is that it was JCr, but I also heard the word rape repeated a lot in a couple of different voices.

JC consistently makes off-color jokes about other people’s mothers or sexuality. FR also consistently makes off-color remarks about people’s sexuality. Last week he asked CP if he had “popped that cherry yet” in reference to SA, who was just added to the class. LF as well often makes inappropriate sexual remarks, including calling out “Do you want a quickie” or simply saying “dick” and “pussy.” He has been better with this until today when he got in on the what-does-he-smell-like routine. JCr was only recently added to my roster, but he has done little work and a lot of disrupting since he has been in class.

I don’t find rape jokes funny. Particularly from fucking fourteen-year-old boys. Anyway, once these boys left the classroom, it was so peaceful. It was like when an asshole leaves the room and you feel the collective release of breath from everyone left.

Later in the day, I went to AP A’s office to make some photocopies for my kiddos’ research posters, and JC was there. JC is always in her office because he has decided he isn’t going to go to class anymore. AP A allows this, by the way. JC says to my face, “You are a liar,” and then asks to have some of AP A’s birthday cake. I shit you not. He called me a liar to my face and then got a piece of cake for it.

Later that day, Ms. Po copied me on an email she sent:

As an addition to Ms. G’s Dean Report, in regards to JC, JC came into my room yesterday (he has me after Ms. G) and was talking about how he got taken out of her class and said, “She’s lucky I don’t slap the shit out of her.”
While I recognize it was an “in the heat of the moment” comment, I thought that I would pass this information along.

Rumor has it JC is suspended, but I’ve received no suspension notice. I’ll believe it when I see it.

090406: Day 135
My dad and stepmom came to see me teach today. As anyone could have predicted, the kids were much better behaved than usual. JM went so far as to say that everyone had to be calmer because my dad and stepmom were there. He sounded disappointed. I bit my tongue so as not to offend him by telling him that, really, all students should be that respectful of all teachers ALL the time. Not just when our parents happen by the classroom.

My parents were amazed by the high expectations I have in my classroom—I often am, too, given the level of effort put forth by certain periods (fifth period: I’m talking about you).

I was afraid my parents were bored. They did see the exact same lesson three times in a row. But they said they had a good time. Hell, they got to see SS do some of his magic tricks. And they’re proud of me. Yay.

Week 27: March 9-13

090313: Day 118
JW wandered into my fifth period today. I asked him to leave, which he took his good sweet time doing. On his way out the door, he told me, “I’ll be back . . . in two hours . . . next week . . . next year . . . and the year after that . . . and the year after that . . . butt naked, with a saddle on my back, and butter all over me.” He rubbed his chest to demonstrate where the butter would be. In case I didn’t understand.

090312: Day 117
ML continues to get under my skin. Not even under my skin, really, but certainly under the skins of the students in my third period. MB in particular is pissed off; he wants me to kick ML out. ML spent his day in my class trying to steal everything that wasn’t tied to down—you know, everything. At one point, he put six copies of When the Emperor Was Divine under his jacket and denied that he had taken any. I know him to be the student who stole my hall pass (which still hasn’t been replaced, by the way) and a student who has walked out with more than one of my markers. I think he also stole one of my whiteboard erasers, though I can’t be positive about that. I’m not real into taking my eyes off him if he has something that doesn’t belong to him in his hot little hands.

Near the end of the period, he sat down behind my desk and would not move when I asked him to. I specifically told him that if anything was missing, I was coming after him. He accused me of threatening him. I told him I was absolutely threatening him as he was not allowed to sit behind my desk, a policy I had made very clear to him previously. At the ringing of the bell, I counted my books and not so surprisingly discovered one was gone. I reported him to the deans and now he has been suspended. My book remains MIA, which is unfortunate because I have a limited number (see below), but at least that kid will be out of my hair for a second.

I ran into AP A just minutes after I sent the Deans report. Our conversation:

AP A: I don’t think that kid belongs with us.
Me: What the fuck is wrong that kid?
AP A: You know, sometimes I love talking to you.
Me: Well, really . . .
AP A: Something about him bothers me—Not bothers me, but he makes my antennae go up.

AP A has been assistant principal of special education for at least five years. If she is freaked out, there’s something to worry about.

090311: Day 116
I went to the Teacher Tax man this evening. This year I shall have an itemized tax-return, or something like that, and hopefully should get more money back in my refund. Because, after we broke it down, I spent over $8,000 dollars out of my own pocket on my job last year. That figure does not surprise me at all. I rant into Ms. F there; hers was the appointment before mine. We gossiped a touch about SP, who got into a gang-related fight and had his two front teeth knocked out. Not that I’ve seen him sans teeth as he cut my class today.

On my way out, I decided to take the stairs because I was on the second floor and it seemed a waste to call the elevator for just one floor. I entered the stairwell and went down one flight to discover it was an emergency exit only. I went back up only to see that the door on the second floor had locked behind me. Re-entry on floors one and five only. I already knew floor one wasn’t going to let me out, so I climbed up to floor five. When I opened the door, I found the floor under construction: exposed beams, light bulbs hanging from extension cords, cement floors. I called an elevator, but none of the three came. They were set to pass the fifth floor because it is under construction. I kind of freaked out, called Jeff, and wandered the floor a little. I found a freight elevator, fortunately, and that worked. I came pretty close to having to call the Teacher Tax Man to say I was stranded on the fifth floor and couldn’t get an elevator and could he please call the front desk so someone could come get me? Très embarrassing.

090310: Day 115
One of the few things I failed to consider when planning our new unit, Aliens and Americans, was how many copies of the novel the school owns. I blocked out three and a half weeks of in-class and homework reading for When the Emperor Was Divine only to discover that we only have 25 copies of the book. So I’m photocopying it. The whole thing. Sixty-seven packets. I’m doing it discreetly, just in case photocopying an entire book is considered a poor use of resources.

In other news, my fourth period has been unbearable. Do not mistake this fourth period with last semester’s fourth period: they are almost entirely different. LF, GA, JC and DD. These are the boys who are trying to destroy me and their peers who care.

On the upside, DD was suspended today for insubordination. I like to think I had something to do with it—he in fact believes I had everything to do with it—as I sent two deans reports in two days and had him removed from class for being disruptive today. More likely it was the fact that AP V, who is the assistant principal of physical education, reported his insubordination. Also, Dean A reported his insubordination. The next three days will be much quieter.

GA is a different problem altogether. While DD is simply immature and lacking self-reflection, GA is a malicious troublemaker. He is one of those kids who says, “I wasn’t talking” when he’s been talking nearly nonstop for the entire period. I spoke to his sister yesterday, and she referenced the fact that he is on probation for graffiti and that his probation officer threatened to lengthen his probation if his school behavior didn’t improve. Then she made it sound like she was going to try to protect him from such a lengthening. (Grr.)

So I called again today, because his behavior did not improve at all. I heard her will to protect him break—or possibly change—and she told me she was going to call the probation officer because she just doesn’t know what else to do. I would argue that telling the probation officer that he is a menace to his own education and to the education of others is actually protecting his best interests, but you know how it goes. Hopefully, she came to that conclusion herself.

090309: Day 114
A conversation from my Monday after-school help session.

CP: Miss, how do you spell “let”?
Me: (slowly and clearly) L-E-T.
CP: L . . . E . . . T?
Me: Yes, L-E-T.
CP: (writing) L-E-T.
Custodian R: (quietly, to me) Lucky you.

Week 20: January 12-16

090116: Day 84
Bad day.

First period: During discussion of the presentation for the final project, MN brought up Ms. Po’s calling him a pussy. In front of Ms. EM, who would have to report it to her AP except I intervened and offered to deal with it in-house if possible. Ms. Po apologized and all is well. Until MN goes around calling Mr. K a pussy again, probably.

Third period: RQ throws together a last minute presentation with LJS, who was absent Thursday. When they get up to present, the entire class boos. Ms. EM, with her typical suavity, says, “I know it’s tempting to give RQ a taste of his own medicine. but give him the respect you wish he’d given you.” They do not.

Fourth period: DD complains loudly that he’s going to sue me for not teaching him. Of course, I’ve provided him with an English literature activity and I answer all the questions he asks me—I am fulfilling my end of the bargain. AP A happens to be walking by and tells DD that I will give him her name, email and phone number (which I do). If he has a problem with my lessons in English, he can have his mother call her and set up a meeting to discuss DD’s behavior in my class and the resultant lesson plans. Then DD and DJ go chasing after someone in the halls, flying out the door in the middle of the period. Once again, AP A is conveniently there and she takes them off my hands for the rest of the period.

Fifth period: LS accuses me of racism. No shit. The crux of her argument is that I have no business, as a white woman, teaching my black students about black people, like those in Forged by Fire. I stand agape and attempt to defend myself against her attack. Then she gestures at the labels on the desks for assigned seats and informs me that my racism is the reason why the kids in those classes don’t like me. I have virtually no self-defense mechanisms left; I leave the room crying. Poor A, the RAPP intern, was left to deal with my kids. Pretty sure that’s illegal, but oh well. I landed myself back in AP A’s office, crying again. I don’t want her to mistake how bad the situation is.

Sixth period: We were supposed to meet with the principal, but her secretary messed up the scheduling and wrote us in for next Friday, not this Friday. I pretty well say bullshit to this. We have been blown off once again. I cried a little during our meeting, again, when Ms. L asked how we’re doing. I’m not doing well. Ms. Po said virtually the same thing. We joked about how funny it would be if the entire freshman house quite next year. Only maybe it’s not so much joking as looking forward.

Seventh period: I simply do not care anymore. They can probably tell.

090115: Day 83
RQ has become as terrible as any other kid in the house. Much like JM, he started the year as a good kid. He maybe called out a little too much, but he was enthusiastic and bright. He did his work. He was kind. Now, not so much. RQ will not let a person finish a sentence. Literally. Yesterday, Ms. EM told me she had gotten through this whole year without actively disliking a student. And then she met RQ.

Today, students were to work in small groups or individually to prepare presentations for tomorrow. RQ put his head down and refused to do anything. Until the last ten minutes of class, wherein he proceeded to walk around the room asking the other kids, “What are we doing?” To a person, they responded: “We’re not doing anything. I’m doing this.” Go kids!

On a sadder note, SC has been suspended again. Ms. L had the whole story, which is long and complicated. It involves SC running away from deans and school safety agents, school safety agents calling SC vulgar names, an iPod, and I don’t know what else. I really like SC (he’s the one who ran into me—Day 63—in case you forgot), but something is obviously wrong. At this point, I’m inclined to say the school is what’s wrong. If school safety agents, who I’m pretty sure are technically NYPD, go around making disparaging remarks at the size of a 14-year-old’s dick, then it’s no wonder that said 14-year-old treats them with no respect and tries to run away from them.

090114: Day 82
To end “Love, Fear and Abuse,” I asked Ms. EM, the coordinator of RAPP, to help with a final project. RAPP is the Relationship Abuse Prevention Program, and Ms. EM is a social worker in the school. We put together a final project that asks the students to imagine what they would do—as the media, a family friend, a classmate, a neighbor—if they knew about the abuse Gerald and Angel endured in Forged by Fire. Today was Ms. EM’s first day in my classroom.

I ceded the floor to her for first, third, fifth and seventh periods. (Once again, fourth period is in the dog house.) Aside from feeling anxious about not having perfect control of what was being taught in my own classroom, I had a good time watching her evolve throughout the day. I watched her refine her patter, transitions, stories from period to period. And the lesson got better and better as the day went on. I recognized some of what I do, and also why I plan in what order I will ask which questions as part of my lesson planning.

JM graced us with his presence in fifth period, which was a bit of a disappointment. A bit of back story: JM began the year as a bit of a loner who did all that was asked of him. He had a bit of a superiority complex, but it was no big deal because he got his work done. Then he got suspended, in December I think, and hasn’t been the same since. He’s been cutting classes, and his attitude when he does show up has spiraled out of control. As of last week, he decided he would not remove his hat and hood in my class.

AP A gave the house teachers authorization to kick out any student not following school rules and send him/her to the Special Education office to sit out the period. JM refuses to take off his hat and/or hood? I kick him out. I kicked him out last Thursday and Friday and again on Monday. Monday, he said this was “the third time you’re doing this to me.” I pointed out I’m not doing it to him, he is choosing to disobey a New York City Chancellor’s Regulation.

And this is my favorite part. He told me he is not disrespecting me and that he always does his work. You know, so what’s my problem? I respectfully pointed out to him that I do feel disrespected when he openly defies the rules and my authority. He tried to argue, but I simply told him that he could not tell me how I feel. Only I could say how I feel. Also, I made mention of the fact that he is failing my class; obviously, he is not doing his work.

I called home. JM got on the phone and argued with me some more about how he’s not disrespecting me—ha!—and then I listened to his mom give up on him over the course of a five-minute rant. No wonder the kid’s a mess.

Anyway, today he showed up again. He apologized to me, but then he gave his usual attitude to Ms. EM. Now, Ms. EM is not so used to the constant disrespect, so she didn’t take any of it. She called him out immediately for sucking his teeth at her. I love it when a kid gets a glimpse that suggests it’s not just me who feels disrespected by the attitude, it’s everyone who comes into contact with him/her.

090113: Day 81
Due to my disinterest in active teaching, I’m showing “WALL-E” in class. We have so little time left between the end of “Love, Fear and Abuse,” my unit based on Forged by Fire, and the end of the semester that starting something new is impossible.

Fourth period remains in the dog house, reading and answering questions, and word trickled back to them that the rest of my classes are watching above-mentioned movie. NR claims it is not fair. Hilarious! Of course it is fair. Let’s review the actions of fourth period: stolen cookies; KC’s dolphin screeches; chronic lateness on the parts of AM, DJ, DD, BR; talking so much I kicked my trashcan across the room and dented it; talking so much they pushed me over the edge and into AP A’s office crying.

As far as I’m concerned, making them read instead of watching “WALL-E” is more than fair.

090112: Day 80
In an episode of “Bones,” my favorite TV show as of the past few months, the protagonist Dr. Temperance Brennan is accused of being too distant, too unemotional when it comes to dealing with the tragedies of murder and death that confront her and the other characters daily. Angela, her best friend, suggests to her that perhaps it isn’t that she doesn’t care, but that she cares too much. She keeps herself distant from the murder cases because she wouldn’t be able to do her job if she acknowledged how deeply she cares.

I care too much about teaching, literature and my students. I don’t look for relationships with them because I can’t open myself up anymore without overflowing or being overwhelmed. According to Ms. L, the students complain that I care too much. I don’t know how to change that.

When I started this blog, I never imagined it would be the story of my defeat. The results of my caring, my inability to let go: accusations of racism, refusal to work in class, disrespect and disregard.

Week 15: December 1-5

081205: Day 64
After watching an episode of “Supernanny” on the internet the other day, I was reminded of the importance of praise. Supernanny was just being her usual, awesome self, advising sad/crazy mom that she needed to use ample praise to encourage her kids when they were doing well, but it was kind of revelatory for me.

I am embarrassed to say that it took “Supernanny” to make me realize that praising the good kids will probably improve class morale and functionality better than yelling, and take less energy to boot. So many of the kids are abominable, but even more of them are sweet, want to learn, and hold strong in the face of the chaos that is our classrooms.

Sadly, rewards remain canceled (see Day 46), at least partially because I got injured this week due to my kids’ poor behavior, so I photocopied the following note onto florescent paper:

Dear _____________________________,

Thank you for your excellent work today! Let this note show that I recognize and appreciate your effort in class.

best,
Ms. G

I personalized them during class, added a smiley face next to my name, and passed them out at the conclusion to the kids who deserved them. BU was ecstatic–if faces could really glow, his would have been on fire–so I consider the idea a success.

081204: Day 63
I was physically harmed during class today. SC has been sexually harassing SF for an undetermined length of time: he was making sexual remarks about her and her grandmother today in my class and he showed her his penis in the cafeteria earlier in the week. SF finally had enough and she chased him, presumably to hit him. SC ran full bore into my gut, knocking the wind out of me.

SC is suspended for the sixth or seventh time. SF filed sexual harassment charges against him with the school and with the police. AP A called SC’s mom into the school and pressured her to have him reevaluated: he cannot deal with a community school and needs a specialized setting. At least, that’s what we hope the reevaluation will determine.

81203: Day 62
Leaving school directly after the last bell rings is much different than waiting twenty or thirty minutes: all the students are still outside. Busting through them all waiting at the bus stop to get up the steps of the footbridge can be a little challenging. Today it seemed unusually hard. I had made my way through the crowd at the foot of the steps only to find that the crowd was moving with me.

When I went to South Africa with my dad and stepmom, our game ranger drove our Land Rover directly into the middle of a herd of water buffalo. We sat there in wonderment as hundreds of water buffalo rushed around us, parting around the vehicle’s back and closing back together at its front. I could have reached out and touched them.

That’s what I felt like walking to my car as a tens of dozens of students streamed past me, jostling against each other to get through. I saw a number of my own students–one actually paused briefly to say hi–in the crowd. It wasn’t until I got to the top of the steps that I heard a student say there was a fight, between two girls no less.

Hive mind is the only explanation I can find for the affair. The teenagers were like bees–or the Borg. Once one knew about the fight, instantaneously they all knew. They swarmed in unison to the epicenter of action with barely a mention of the event itself.

081202: Day 61
I had to skip school to complete my graduate work. I sat at that study carrel from a little before 10 this morning until 4:45 this evening. Oh, I peed a couple times and went downstairs to buy a Pepsi, but that’s it. I am still not done, and my integrated unit plan is due Wednesday at 6:30.

While I was away from school, at least one of my students was suspended for behavior in my class. According to Ms. LATR (in the ATR, bless her), BJ stole my metal ruler–stupid, I thought I put everything away–and then refused to give it back. There is some question as to whether he actually had it, but either which way the end result of his defiance was Ms. LATR’s calling security. Then everything went to pot: BJ refused to leave, swore at Ms. LATR and took a swing at AP L.

Yes, he punched AP L in the face. Apparently, he’s a lousy punch, though, so AP L was unharmed. BJ’s been suspended for only three days because AP L took off his jacket before escorting him out, which could be considered “provocation.”

081201: Day 60
I am a special educator. I teach students with IEPs who are variously classified as learning disabled, ADD, ADHD, speech and language impaired, and emotionally disturbed. In fact, more than half my students this year are ED. I make this clear so you will understand the context that surrounds today’s installment of “God, get me out of here!”

Earlier in the year, Mr. C complained to me about the drumming that goes on in my classroom. He is in the room directly below me and was bothered by the rhythm section that is my fourth period. I expressed my empathy by pointing out that I have to be in the room with the kids so I understand how annoying they can be–all the more than he does. I also said I can’t really do anything because the kids themselves cannot stop themselves. It’s called ADHD and it’s real.

Today, he sent Dean B up to my room after third period to complain for him about the drumming. I suggested to Dean B that perhaps it was my walking around in heels that was doing it. Apparently the drumming was rhythmic and thus my kids, not I, were implicated. I then mentioned to Dean B that there was little I could do to control it as I teach special education. It is in fact against the law to deny a kid his right to an education based on disability (see IDEA and NCLB), so I don’t consider removing students who drum from my room a viable option.

Fourth period is far away the most ADHD of my classes–DJ and SS truly cannot control the energy in their bodies–and is also filled with students who have what one could call Oppositional Defiant Disorder. (I find the “diagnosis” of “oppositional defiant disorder” rude and probably politically motivated when it shows up, but it is a good descriptor). Mr. C called up to my classroom–interrupting my class, by the way–and asked that I ask my class to stop drumming. Not sure who pissed in his Wheaties this morning, but such was his request. My fourth period did not take kindly to some dude they don’t even know yelling at them over the phone for their disabilities. So they stomped on the floor and picked up their desks to drop them a little. In short, it was a disaster.

Oh, but it didn’t end there. I don’t know what your experiences are with yelling at outraged students who in the best of situations say “fuck you” to authority figures, but I can tell you it isn’t a good strategy. I myself was going the “do it for me” route, which tends to be much more effective. I had just told them that I don’t care about the drumming, but Mr. C seems to be in a bad mood and I have to work with him, so please, for me, stop being extra loud and stompy, etc. Then they all yelled at me! Fucking ODD bastards. But they’re my ODD bastards, not Dean B’s or Mr. C’s–a distinction both my students and I appreciate. So when Dean B came back and yelled at all of them, their anger only spiraled and the stomping became worse.

I’m pretty sure Dean B came back another time, but I kicked him out. He wasn’t so much helping when he told my kids with disabilities that they needed to grow up. I do that all the time and they don’t care. He offered to take out any kid doing the least bit of drumming, but I won’t let that happen. I understand they were doing a lot of it on purpose today, but I think they were in the right. They have a right to an education, ADHD and ODD notwithstanding. Who is Mr. C to tell them to stop being themselves?

This interlude wasted about fifteen minutes, which, on top of the good ten minutes fourth period wastes daily, pretty much killed more than half the period. Fortunately, my lesson came in a good ten-fifteen minutes short today when done with minimal discussion. We were still able to get everything done.

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Update: New film picture on Day 56.

Week 10: October 27-31

081101: Bonus Day
In taking my Saturday workshop on helping students deal with crisis, I came to a realization about an incident that occurred during seventh grade. We were discussing the fact that as teachers we can’t always spend a half-hour talking to students in crisis because we cannot–legally–leave the other students in our room alone.

This reminded me of a day in band during seventh grade when Mr. P left us unattended. We were alone long enough for half of us to wander into the percussion section and begin to play all the percussion instruments. When Mr. P returned, he was furious and took us out into the hallway. He lined us up along the lockers and began to write detention slip after detention slip. This is the only time in my entire life I was in genuine danger of receiving disciplinary action.

In the end, he didn’t give any of us detentions. Looking back, knowing what I know now, he couldn’t have given us detentions. If he’d given us detentions, he would’ve had to admit that he wasn’t in the room–that he’d left 12-year-olds alone in the band room for an extended period of time. It also explains why he was so angry (it seemed out of proportion at the time) about our playing the percussion instruments–we could have directed unwanted attention to his leaving us alone.

081031: Day 42
Halloween tends to be a slow day around the school. Kids stay home, either because they have mayhem to cause elsewhere or because they are afraid of getting caught in such mayhem. To prevent problems before they begin, security is out in force and we have a rapid dismissal: the bell rings 10 minutes early and all kids must exit the building immediately through the nearest exit and leave school grounds.

For the students who showed up, I had a writing workshop. They worked on organizing their short story ideas into plot pyramids. Using the ideas they brainstormed about setting, protagonist and antagonist, and conflict, they created the bones of a story with exposition, rising action (3-4 events), climax, falling action and resolution.

It worked amazingly well. LMS is writing a romance set in the WWE locker room. LF’s story is about a cat protecting his territory from a band of defiant rats. JK is writing about a drug boss and his new dealer who have a conflict over money. DCr’s story is called “The Cop Killers” and involves an antagonist who loves honeybuns and hates tall people.

Incidentally, my story is set in 1987 in an arcade. The protagonist is a bully who is in love with a curvy Pac-Man maven. Tune in later for a rough draft; right now, I only have a plot pyramid.

081030: Day 41
Ms. L gave up teaching her seventh period. She sat down behind her desk and refused to teach through the constant roar of conversation in her classroom. Of course, the kids immediately begged her to keep teaching. They wanted her to answer questions. They wanted to know things about U.S. History all of a sudden. She still refused.

I am proud and jealous.

She wants to transfer the good kids out of the class, but I kinda put the kibosh on that idea. Our classes are already busting out–I had 17 kids in my third period, which is illegal–and what would happen to the crappy kids who are left in her class? I’m not gonna say I want to teach the kids (see below), because I don’t, but that doesn’t change our responsibility as educators.

We have students who need to be removed from the class for their behavior. The answer has to be to take out the problem students, not the good ones. We made a hit list: we’re calling parents and compiling incident reports in order to get certain students suspended. I don’t expect the phone calls to make a difference in the kids’ behavior (they haven’t so far), but they are documentation that we have exhausted our resources as classroom teachers and the students need consequences doled out by those above us in the ladder of discipline.

081029: Day 40
In the movie of my life, I am the protagonist and fourth period is the antagonist. I once again lost myself to frustration and anger. I cannot keep teaching through the swearing and conversations and throwing of paper balls.

I am kind and it does not work. I am angry and it does not work. I give rewards and it does not work. I use I-statements–”I feel disrespected . . . I feel hurt . . . when you won’t listen to me”–and it does not work. I tell them I don’t like teaching their class and they don’t even listen to more than half of the sentence. I call parents and it does not work. I speak to individual students after class and it does not work.

Ms. D, one of the paraprofessionals, warned me a couple weeks ago that I have to be careful of my heart because these kids are not. But I have to teach them, which means I have to at least pretend to like them, which means they break my heart almost daily.

081028: Day 39
I got my first ever whiff of student-fart today.

081027: Day 38
In light of it being Halloween week and the fact that most of my students have already read “The Black Cat,” we read “The Most Evil Sorcerer” by R. L. Stine. Over the course of four days, I used that creepy little YA short story to teach characterization, antagonist and protagonist, conflict, and plot structure. Rats are thrown up, spiders crawl under a dude’s skin, an evil wizard is turned into a black, disgusting bug.

You should have heard me acting out the the rat part. It was inspired.